Words Hurt
by MoonlightBreeze7
Summary: After Sam's harsh words in the Roosevelt Asylum, Dean needs a little reassurance that he's still his little brother's idol. Tag to Season 1, Episode 10, Asylum. Slash if you squint. Rated T for profanity and slight talk of self-hatred.


**Author's Note: I actually don't write that much Supernatural fanfiction. I prefer to read it. But I just rewatched Asylum (S1, E10) and it gave me an idea. This isn't my best work by any means, as I'm currently low on motivation and inspiration. However, it was just too good of a plot bunny to pass up. I hope you enjoy this! It can be read as slash or just brotherly feels, whatever your preference is. Please leave reviews and let me know how you like it! The characters are probably pretty OOC, sorry.**

**~ Em**

He wasn't going to say anything.

He'd been possessed by a homicidal ghost, for fuck's sake. Obviously, he hadn't meant any of the things he'd said. So, he wasn't going to say anything, assuming his brother wouldn't take any of his words to heart. But Dean looked upset, so Sam did.

"Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah?" Sam's older brother replied, throwing weapons in the trunk of the Impala and without looking at Sam.

"You know I didn't mean any of the things I said in there, right?"

"You sure about that?"

Sam raised his eyebrows. "Dude, what? Of course I'm sure."

Dean fell silent at his words. Acting on impulse, Sam reached out a hand and grabbed Dean's shoulder roughly, spinning him around so the brothers could talk face-to-face.

"Do we need to talk about this?"

"No," Dean said, trying to move away, but Sam's strong grip on his shoulder refused to allow him to. "I'm not really in a sharing-and-caring kind of mood."

"Yeah, well, too bad," Sam snapped. "Clearly you took what I said to heart!"

"Yeah, okay, so what if I did?!" Dean shouted. "It was all true, anyway."

"What are you talking about? None of that was true!"

"Yeah, it was!" Dean yelled. Sam couldn't be sure, but he thought he saw tears in his older brother's eyes. "Everything you said. I'm just a soldier, following Dad's orders. If you hate me, well, I wouldn't blame you. You were right - I am fucking pathetic."

Sam's eyes widened. "Dean, you are not pathetic," he began slowly, emphasizing each word like he was talking to a toddler. "I'm sorry I said that. I don't think you're pathetic, Dean, and I hope you don't think that about yourself."

Dean turned his face away from Sam's intense gaze. "What do you care what I think about myself, Sammy?"

"I'm your brother, Dean!" Sam replied heatedly. "I care about you! For fuck's sake, I love you!"

"It's been years since you've said that," Dean replied quietly.

"Because I assumed you knew," Sam said, just as quietly. "Dean, did you really not know that?"

His older brother let a small sigh escape from his lips and replied, "Yeah. No. I don't know, Sam." He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, mumbling something that Sam couldn't hear before continuing. "Sometimes it's hard for me to - well, it can be hard for me to believe that anyone loves me."

Sam was dumbstruck. For years, they'd been closer than anyone in the world, and now that they were on the road again, Sam realised how much he missed his brother. Through all of their days together, both in childhood and adulthood, Sam had never known that Dean felt this way.

"Dean, I - I didn't know you felt that way."

Dean let out a low chuckle. "Yeah, well, you weren't supposed to."

"What'd you mean?"

"I was supposed to be the strong one," Dean said, his voice thick. "I was supposed to protect you and keep you out of harm's way. I couldn't afford to show any weakness, Sammy. Hell, I still can't."

"Yes, you can, Dean," Sam insisted. "There's nothing wrong with showing vulnerability. There's nothing wrong with having emotions, Dean." Empowered, Sam continued on. "Dean, you let me cry all over you when Jess died. For like a week after it happened, I was a fucking mess, dude. You held me, you told me it was going to be alright, you promised that no matter what, you'd never leave me. And now, when I have nightmares, you're always there for me. If I wake up crying, you make sure I don't cry alone. If I'm scared to go back to sleep, you sleep next to me so I feel safe."

"That's my job, Sammy."

"Not anymore," Sam said fiercely. "I'm an adult now, Dean. I can handle myself. You don't have to take care of me anymore. You choose to, because you want to. Well, I choose to take care of you, okay? I want to, Dean."

Dean simply looked away, too ashamed to face his younger brother. Sam, however, wasn't having any of that. He grabbed Dean's chin and forced him to meet his gaze.

"Dean, I do not hate you," Sam said passionately. "I love you. You're my big brother. I adore you, Dean. And please, if you feel like that again, please come to me. Tell me how you feel. There's no shame in that. If you need me to tell you I love you every day for the rest of my life, I will. I love you, Dean."

"Thanks, Sammy," Dean said, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. Sam smiled softly and wiped them away with the pad of his thumb.

"Anytime, Dean."


End file.
